Example Of Bad Essay

Bad College Essays

Your child’s essay is probably bad. You might just not recognize this. American high school students just can’t write. And international applicants are even worse in this department (photo credit: Yeungb).

Curious to know what bad college essays look like? Pick any college essay at random submitted to a college — even the highly selective ones — and there’s a great chance that you’ll pull out a bad essay. And why’s that? Because high school students just plain can’t write. It’s a conclusion we came to years ago, one reinforced over the last several years. In fact, in all of our years helping students with their college admissions essays, we can remember one (one!) essay that was actually great before we started helping with revisions. The writing of American high school students (and the international applicants are way worse!) is, quite frankly, horrible.

Let’s give our readers an example of some bad college essay writing. Here is a sample paragraph from an essay. Tell us what you think is wrong with it in the Comments section below: Winning the race was a really big accomplishment for me. It made me really proud to stand on the podium and wave to the crowd, surrounded by so many people I love. I’ll never forget that moment. I’ll never forget that win. It taught me so many valuable life lessons about never giving up and about what it takes to succeed. In this way, sports symbolize life.

And let’s hear your comments on this sample paragraph from a terrible college essay that we’re making up on the spot: Being first chair violin can, at times, be very stressful. If I mess up a note, the whole orchestra can follow my lead. I sit right by the conductor. I am who the audience is looking at. There is so much pressure. And yet I love it. Playing the violin makes me feel alive.

So what’s wrong with these sample paragraph? Is anything right? Definitely not! If you thought anything was right, you might want us to have a look at your college essays. We promise that they’re a whole lot closer to these sample paragraphs than you might think!

Need help with your college essays? We’re offering a college essay package. Email brian@theivycoach.com for information.

Examples of Good an Bad Essays

3381 WordsOct 20th, 201214 Pages

Sample Student Essays
Going for the Look

|On-Demand Writing Assignment |
|You will have 45 minutes to plan and write an essay on the topic assigned below. Before you begin writing, read the passage carefully and plan|
|what you will say. Explain Cohen’s argument and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with his analysis. Support your position, |
|providing reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading. Your essay should be as well-organized and carefully |
|written as you can make it.…show more content…

No, there is not a specific law saying that businesses cannot. Just because it is not illegal does not mean that it should be done. I feel that Mr. Cohen’s analysis is not correct. If a company had an extremely innovative and sought after product due to its wide range of uses and quality, the company would not need to stoop to such discriminatory hiring practices. The product would simply sell itself. After all, every company would love to get by without spending one dime on advertising. Imagine a world where everyone was hired based on merit. Productivity would increase everywhere because people would be doing what they are best at instead of just standing around and “looking great.”

Commentary

This essay illustrates the EPT Scoring Guide’s criteria for a score of 6. The superior response indicates that the writer is very well-prepared to handle college-level reading and writing. • The writer understands and focuses clearly on the topic raised by the quotation in the thesis, “… only hiring certain people that ‘look great,’ is definitely discrimination and should not occur.” • The summary of Cohen’s argument is clear and accurate, and the paraphrasing is effective. • The writer analyzes the issue of hiring for looks thoughtfully and has developed an insightful response focused on the legal implications of the practice. • The essay is coherently organized and developed with a body paragraph of analysis

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